Thursday, June 26, 2008

The ability to choose

Assalaamu alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

It's sad for me to watch my friend rely on her husband or family to make decisions for her, and if she's given a choice she's unable to make a choice.

She's one who's decisions have always been made for her by her family and she had to obey whether she liked it or not. Soon she had given up makin choices because there was on point in doing so anyway.

Please ladies teach your children to make their own decisions from a small age. Reward them for makin the right decisions. Guide them and tell them about the consequences if they've made wrong ones but please let them make the decisions under your guidance.

Listen to them when they speak and keep an open mind. Especially when they're in their late teens remember they think of themselves as adults and want to be treated the same way.
Also remember that they actuallly may be correct in their way of thinkin. If they're not then gently remind them me what's they're doing wrong through quoting hadith or Quraan.

It's also very important to build ur child's confidence. Inshallah the above will also help the children grow in confidence.

Let me know what u think.

Wa Salaam


Habayeb said...

Salaam...i so agree with will kids learn if they dont make mistakes? I mean, im not saying just let them go n do whtever they want....but have GOOD communication wid them...communication is the key word. All of us have diff opinions and have diff personalities and plus trust me i know how it affects coz ive gone thru this shatters ur self esteem n ur confidence in urself. Alhamdulilah im past that stage...but women who are still into this shud understand that theyre showing others that she's nuthin but a slave and wat will her kids learn by seeing this? if she has a boy doncha think he will grow up to think that its a man's right to rule over women? if she has girl, doncha think she might grow up being a feminist n a rebellion? which isnt their fault actually.
Allah has given women RIGHTS and we need to make use of them.
May Allah grant ur friend strength. Ameen.

Moon said...

Ameen Summameen! My friend and also the other ladies out there who're suffering in similar situations.

Yes you'r quite right communication is very essential and there's a possibility that children are affected.

Anonymous said...

May Allah help us to make the correct decisions.

Jana's Journeys said...

it's sad to see people blindly following their families without any research on their part. I've seen more people follow the advice of their friends personally than their familes but I know it's out there, esp with a lot of new Muslims. InshAllah these people will realise the importance of educating themselves properly instead of following the advice of someone who is not knowledgeable enough to be giving advice

Moon said...

salaam Jana and welcome:)

Sometimes people have knowledge but it's hard to in against people such as your family or husband specially when they are oppressive and don't really care what u think about things coz they have an in- built system where they belive they are right and their children are wrong. It doesn't matter how old their children are, they may be 30 but they'll still consider them wrong.

Belive u me i'm going thru it. Tryin 2fight back, but the only option for me seems to be on my own. But it doesn't help esp. After u've had a divorce and the only ppl who looked out for u at the difficult time are ur parents. U feel obliged towards them, the best u can do is talk to them and make them understand ur point of view. U have to make lots of duaa and constant striving to make ppl understand u.